Funny quotes on life help us by amusing our mood and lessen tension. Sharing these quotes make a sense of friendship and build up our social relations. Funny quotes on suitable times can shoot up our energy during unpleasant situations. Flashing yourself to funny quotes can motivate us to address difficult situations in different ways.
Funny Quotes For Friends
“I was court-mardalled in my absence, and sentenced to death in my absence, so I said they could shoot me in my absence.” —Brendan Behan
“The principle of give and take is the principle of diplomacy–give one and take ten.” —Mark Twain
“Appeasers believe that if you keep on throwing steaks to a tiger, the tiger will become a vegetarian.” —Heywood Broun
“If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.” —Erma Bombeck
“A boy becomes an adult three years before his parents think he does . . . and about two years after he thinks he does.” —Lewis Hershey
“The average Ph.D. thesis is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.” —Frank Dobie
“In prosperity our friends know us, in adversity, we know our friends.” —Churton Collins
Funny Quotes On Life
“Two things are infinite: the universe and human stupidity; and I’m not sure about the universe.” —Albert Einstein
“A family is a unit composed not only of children but of men, women, an occasional animal, and the common cold. Ogden Nash.” —Ogden Nash Quotes
“I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.” —Albert Einstein
“In order to form an immaculate member of a flock of sheep one must, above all, be a sheep.” —Albert Einstein
” When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you sit on a red-hot cinder a second seems like an hour. That’s relativity.” —Albert Einstein
“The really frightening thing about middle age is the knowledge that you’ll grow out of it.” —Doris Day
“Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invariably they are both disappointed.” —Albert Einstein
“There is more credit in being abused by fools than being praised by rogues.” —Frederick Edwin Smith
“The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there’s no risk of accident for someone who’s dead.” —Albert Einstein
“Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast, the disk jockey is not allowed to talk.” — Fran Lebowitz.
Inspirational Funny Quotes
“Can you nominate in order now the degrees of the lie?
I will name you the degrees.
The first, the Retort Courteous;
the second, the Quip Modest;
the third, the Reply Churlish,
the fourth, the Reproof Valiant,
the fifth, the Countercheck Quarrelsome,
the sixth, the Lie with Circumstance;
the seventh, the Lie Direct.”
—William Shakespeare
“When you’re safe at home you wish you were having an adventure, when you’re having an adventure you wish you were safe at home.” —Thornton Wilder
“When people tell you how young you look, they are also telling you how old you are.” —Cary Grant
“There is nothing so absurd or ridiculous that has not at some time been said by some philosopher.” —Oliver Goldsmith
“In youth, the days are short and the years are long. In old age, the years are short and days long.” —Pope Paul VI
“Had Narcissus himself seen his own face when he had been angry, he could never have fallen in love with himself.” —Thomas Fuller
“If my husband would ever meet a woman on the street who looked like the women in his paintings, he would fall over in a dead faint.” —Mrs. Pablo Picasso
“Make the lie big, make it simple, keep saying it, and eventually they will believe it.” -Adolf Hitler
Work Funny Quotes
“It is easier to rob by setting up a bank than by holding up a bank clerk.” —Bertolt Brecht
“In the kingdom of the blind, the one-eyed man is king.” —Desiderius Erasmus
“In this world, nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.” —Benjamin Franklin
“It is better to be the widow of a hero than the wife of a coward.” —Dolores Ibarruri
“Democracy is based upon the conviction that there are extraordinary possibilities in ordinary people.” —Harry Emerson Fosdick
“The penalty for laughing in a courtroom is six months in jail; if it were not for this penalty, the jury would never hear the evidence.” —Henry Louis Mencken
“I wake up every morning at nine and grab for the morning paper. Then I look at the obituary page. If my name is not on it, I get up.” -Benjamin Franklin
“The brain is a wonderful organ; it starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office.” -Robert Frost
“Let us do our duty in our shop or our kitchen, in the market, the street, the office, the school, the home, just as faithfully as if we stood in the front rank of some great battle, and knew that victory for mankind depended on our bravery, strength, and skill. When we do that, the humblest of us will be serving in that great army which achieves the welfare of the world.” —Theodore Parker
Very Short Funny Quotes
“An empty stomach is not a good political adviser.” —Albert EinStein
“Be careful about reading health books. You may die of a misprint.” —Mark Twain
“Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he’s buying.” —Fran Lebowitz
“Doctors think a lot of patients are cured who have simply quit in disgust.” —Don Herold
“I did not attend his funeral. But I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” —Mark Twain
“The hardest thing in the world to understand is the income tax.” —Albert Einstein
“If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner.” —Henry Sambrooke Leigh
“Sir, he was dull in company, dull in his closet, dull everywhere. He was dull in a new way, and that made people think him great.” —Samuel Johnson